From water to air

I feel like I’m between Scorpio and Libra
Water and air
the dark, moist underworld and the wide open sky

My chest is tight
tears fall on my thighs
just yesterday I thought I could fly
today, another part of me dies

I assumed I was done
finished with water
with wading through emotions and trudging through places where most fear to go
where most hide their eyes
afraid if they look
if they see the darkness
and the darkness sees them
they will not escape her grasp

I’m used to it here
in the underbelly

I’m sure I once felt afraid but it’s like home in a way
there is much to learn
it is not as cold as most think
the darkness is warm and filled with wisdom
but you must know how to walk here

dragonfly came
day after day
emergence: from water to air

day after day I felt lifted
I waited for the mud, for the trudging
but it didn’t return

I had begun to feel as if I could fly
midlife
it made sense
time to move from water to air
time to take the lessens learned from the underworld
from wading through the mud
from sitting with the darkness
seeing her
holding her hand
while she held mine
time to take it all and write it across the sky

perhaps I will always come back to her
if only to remind me of the precious gift of flight

maybe I was afraid to fly
afraid to fall
afraid to be seen soaring high
tempting others to knock me down

it can become comfortable in the dark embrace
that’s the fear
thats everyone’s fear
admit it
you are afraid to get too comfortable in the darkness
that you’ll never leave

that you’ll lose your way

slug lives in the darkness by day
feeding off decay
and emerges at night to leave the most magical trail
a rainbow trail
a clearing of the way
a sloughing of debris
water to air

we may soar in flight, in clear blue skies
but it is from the underworld
from the darkness
that we can find nourishment

that we emerge
and leave a shining trail for others

like slug, we must move slowly, gently through the dark
with awareness
quietly
sensing our way

once in the air
we are swift
agile
able to change direction quickly and effortlessly
like dragonfly, we are light and free in the sunshine

but that is not today
today is water
and I will honour her

perhaps tomorrow I will fly again.